Is that fantasy?

[that´s life]

Hallo,

first, please excuse me, my bad english. I hope, you can understand, what I mean by my question. To my problem. I`m a very natural woman, in my Sex life. That means for me, that I need a lot of caresses, and near. And than I´m ready to have Sex with my husband. In my eyes, is that the only way, to give all my love, that is in me.

Now, my husband cannot give me that emotion, that i need. I told him that I need more near, before I can have Sex with him. Because, when I do it without that what I need, than I belive that it´s the wrong way, and go away from my needs. And than it´s more difficult.

He will do that, but it is so artificial . Not natural. I want and need to feel, that he is one with me. I need a lot of little signals, I need emotions, that he need me, and that he see me. Is that not realistic? What can I do? I need so little things. I don´t want to be a object, that will be used. I also think, that´s a problem, that we had no other partners . Maybe I wish something, that is no real.

I think he has depressions, because he has more weight and he is unhappy and he don´t look for himself. And my husband is very emulous of everybody, when I go out of the house.


Is anybody here, and can help me (us) ?

life

[shtria]

hi life,

first of all; don't worry, I understood very well

no, I don't think your fantasies are too unreal, you seem to be a very sensitive and emotional person, who needs lots of love. you shouldn't give up your needs, 'cause if you act that way, you'll never be happy while having sex!

you told your husband is depressed. does he take any pills, so he doesn't long for having sex or beeing near to you?

yes, yes.. ther very one problem is that we women very often feel like beeing thought as objects. did you tell him about your fears?

s.

[that´s life]

Hi shtria, thank you, for your answer. Yes, I`m very sensitive and emotional. I think, that my husband had depressions. He didn`t take pills, and I never said to him, that i belive, that he has depressions. I think, than he is hurt, and I don´t want to hurt him. I´m very sensitive, and I will help him.

I tell him that I need near, and cuddle. I can speak to him, and he is open for problems, and he tried hard. The problem is, that he is not sensitive, and emotional. Sex is sex, but he do, what i say in reference to sex. Many womens would think, what luck. Sure, but I need a lot of near, without an idea strikes me on sex.

By my husband is near only sex. And I need absolute near, and out of this near, to begin sex is natural for me, but no - must-.Sometime, I only want to cuddle. Now it´s so, that I´m affectionate with my self. And the problem is, that is wunderful. And I be ashamed, that i cant live that with my husband. Sex was never beeing a base for us to go other ways. Us united many many importent and difficult and beautiful years. What we have, is very deep and resolved.

I think also, when I be affectionate to me, during or befor we have sex, I can enjoy it more. But I´m ashamed, to do that, or to tell him that. I don´t want to give him the emotion, that he can´t give me the affectionate, that I need so much.

@ on the mens here, how would you react, when your woman or your girl friend is affectionate with herself, during or befor sex?

life

[Yezrel]

@that´s life: That´s helpful if your husband find a psychotherapist for helping against his depression. Perhaps on this way your problem could be changed because his feelings would be more sensitive trough the therapy process.

[albertstien3329]

hey everyone!!

It got silent here on the board the last weeks. this is such a great place and I think it is time to shake this place up!! this place rocks!!

I'll try to post more the next days/weeks. It's good for me to vent about what happens in my life!!

take care everyone!!

[Yezrel]

Take care and a good new year!

[Geo43]

Far from fantasy, I have the same feelings and I am a man.

For me sex is not right or welcome unless I feel some closeness, intimacy, connection.

Sex is not just an activity. For me it is an important expression of my self and of love.

For me some talk that leads to a feeling of connection allows me to feel like sexual connection. That is me.

[Erik Taylor]

hey everyone!!

It got silent here on the board the last weeks. this is such a great place and I think it is time to shake this place up!! this place rocks!!

I'll try to post more the next days/weeks. It's good for me to vent about what happens in my life!!

take care everyone!!

What do you think about the question of @that's life? You have started like a troll. :O.

[Drave]

@ that's life

In general terms we are all different and we all need different things.

You I have to say are not 'natural' as in you are not correct, you are only correct for you. That maybe not correct for your husband

Yes he may be depressed... but he maybe depressed because he is living in a way that he cannot cope with. I certainly could not live with an emotional person; it would make me ill trying to cope with it.

If your husband used to be tactile and emotional, now he isn't, then yes he might be depressed or have some other issue. But if you look back, has he ever really been what you consider 'normal'?

Withholding sex, as it appears you are, is great way to end a marriage really quickly.

Maybe remember that there are two of you in the marriage; not just you and a man who has to do what you think it right.