My own way with cognitive psychotherapy

[Yezrel]

Hi all

I go to therapy since one and a half years, a cognitive psychotherapy.

I have a strong psychogenic pain or somatoform disorder and fibromyalgia in high gear on context of OCPD (obsessive–compulsive personality disorder) according to consultant expertises.

My psychotherapist (expert for somotoform disorders) and my medical practitioner give me support. I always write both together (e-mails). My medical practitioner is my second supporter in the psychotherapy. That was my wish after alternation of therapists. I need somebody who stay all the time. And my medical practitioner knows my life story and the expertise. He has my confidence. Both, therapist and medical practitioner. I have made many steps of progress in therapy with them.

I am German editor and worked for Swiss publishing houses. Without OCPD I couldn´t realize this profession. That´t the reason for me to see the positive aspects of OCPD. My experts say the same. But my physical pain takes me energy. I couldn´t search new orders. And I am too accurate and anankastic by working. I hope my therapy can help me. I have an invalidity pension.

I am counsel of my family because some of my family need my help existentially. Without my help they cannot manage their life. My sister was depressive for a long time. She was suicidal. I helped her and her little son. I must help her since my childhood. My brothers took drugs. My parents were absolutely overextended and needed my help too. I manage my whole family since my youth, paperwork and the children. I help all the time. They trust in my ability for these situations.

The problem is that I am wearied by this coming up to so many expectations of my family.

My sister calls me all the time. On this reason I´m setting now taboo times where nobody can reach me.

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[Yezrel]

I´ve read an e-mail to my psychotherapist with the words of the followed song for the new year in therapy:

Xavier Naidoo - Dieser Weg [Official Video]

[/video]

Here the German lyrics of this song. I give a translation.

Xavier Naidoo - Dieser Weg (This Way)

Also ging ich diese Straße lang (Then I went down this street)
und die Straße führte zu mir. (and the street lead to me)
Das Lied, das du am letzten Abend sangst, (The song that you sang last evening)
spielte nun in mir. (played now in me.)
Noch ein paar Schritte (One more pair of steps)
und dann war ich da, (and then I was there)
mit dem Schlüssel zu dieser Tür. (with the key to this door.)

Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein. (This way will not be easy.)
Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer. (This way will be rocky and hard.)
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein. (Not with many will you be agree.)
Doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr. (Yet this life offers so much more.)

Es war nur ein kleiner Augenblick. (It was only a small blink.)
Einen Moment war ich nicht da. (One moment I was not there.)
Danach ging ich einen kleinen Schritt (Afterwards I went another small step)
und dann wurde es mir klar. (and then it was clear to me.)

Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein. (This way will not be easy.)
Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer. (This way will be rocky and hard.)
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein. (Not with many will you be agree.)
Doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr. (Yet this life offers so much more.)

Manche treten dich. (Many tread on you.)
Manche lieben dich. (Many love you.)
Manche geben sich für dich auf. (Many give themselves up for you.)
Manche segnen dich. (Many bless you.)
Setz dein Segel nicht, (Don´t set your sails)
wenn der Wind das Meer aufbraust. (when the wind breaks up the sea.)

Manche treten dich. (Many tread on you.)
Manche lieben dich. (Many love you.)
Manche geben sich für dich auf. (Many give themselves up for you.)
Manche segnen dich. (Many bless you.)
Setz dein Segel nicht, (Don´t set your sails)
wenn der Wind das Meer aufbraust. (when the wind breaks up the sea.)

Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein. (This way will not be easy.)
Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer. (This way will be rocky and hard.)
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein. (Not with many will you be agree.)
doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr. (Yet this life offers so much more.)

Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein. (This way will not be easy.)
Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer. (This way will be rocky and hard.)
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein. (Not with many will you be agree.)
doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr. (Yet this life offers so much more.)

Dieser Weg wird kein leichter sein. (This way will not be easy.)
Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer. (This way will be rocky and hard.)
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein. (Not with many will you be agree.)
doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr. (Yet this life offers so much more.)

Dieser Weg! (This way!)
Dieser Weg ist steinig und schwer. (This way is rocky and hard.)
Nicht mit vielen wirst du dir einig sein. (Not with many will you be agree.)
doch dieses Leben bietet so viel mehr. (Yet this life offers so much more.)

Dieser Weg! (This way!)
Dieser Weg! (This way!)

[Yezrel]

The problem is that I am wearied by this coming up to so many expectations of my family.

My sister calls me all the time. On this reason I´m setting now taboo times where nobody can reach me.

It´s a hard time for me too because my instable sister depends on me. She doesn´t let me live my own life. I MUST set limits. She must learn that. I must have more open space. I need new energy.

[Yezrel]

My anankastic rational behavior has a protective function in my life against my instable sister. I don´t want to feel that. I want to be rocky like the way of the song.

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[Yezrel]

Somebody with OCPD can also have OCD tendencies - me too. That´s the reason for my working blockades. Now I´ve written an e-mail to my psychotherapist about this new aspect, an important part of my cognitive psychotherapy. Naturally my psychogenic pain has his role in this problematic situation.

[daz]

Thanks for the great info.
____________________
http://www.livingatchoice.co.uk/

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