I was raped!!

[chocolate]

hi twilight-zone!!

hope you are fine!!

How can I feel safe when I call such a number...there is someone answering who I have never seen or talked to before...with this fact I can't feel safe.

I don't have a happy relationship to my family...so it is not possible to talk with them. there are many other persons I could talk to also many girls but my best friend has always been there for me no matter what happened and I just trust him.

I don't know what are my plans in this case. I don't really have a plan for in some weeks!!

chocolate

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[twilight-zone]

Hi chocolate,

I´m fine, thank you

To get help can be very difficult, when you can`t trust in other people, or when you`re afraid. But I also know this in my own life.

There are also helplines, where you can go to, "stations", where you can get help. There you can talk to a woman from "face to face", perhaps this is better for you...I don`t know...
I think, when you`ll go to the police, you will talk to a police-woman and there will also be people with psychological knowledge.

Do you know, why it`s so hard for you to trust in other people?

Do you like to write more about the relationship to your family?

If you`re interested, you can always write a PM to me. Perhaps we can mail. My english knowledge is small, but I think, we will be able to understand each other ;+)
only, if you`re interested...

tz

[chocolate]

hey twilight-zone!!!

I am sure that I'd prefer an advice center than the telephone helpline!! but I am afraid that I have to much fear to go there.

I don't know exactly why it is difficult for me to trust people. Maybe it is because many persons I have trusted have disappointed me and so on!! there are quite a lot reasons!!

The relationship to my family was never really easy. nobody treats me like I would be a member of this family. I am/was often alone and was treated like an animal!! sorry I can't write more about this at the moment...it is too heavy!!

chocolate

[chocolate]

hey!!

Sorry I haven't been much on here lately!! Had a hard time coping with all the things which have happened. But now I feel a little bit better and I am ready to post again!!

many things in my life have changed to the good which are the good news of my life at the moment...unfortunately there are also some bad news...actually I am not ready to write about what has happened but I am trying to post it in the next days!!

take care everyone!!

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[chocolate]

hey everyone!!

I managed to relax a little bit the last few days which was good for me!!

well actually I was r*ped again. I felt really bad after all but now I am ready to fight again and get my life back. this guy has no right to destroy me.
I told a very good friend of mine and we went to police together to report this guy. I managed to tell everything what has happened.

I am proud of myself and I think I really have a reason to be proud!!

thanks for listening!!

[step_by_step]

Hi chocolate,


That´s terrible, what´s happened to you...terrible!

How are you now? Have you ever a strong help? I hope so...

step_

(sorry for my bad englisch)

[chocolate]

Hey step!!

thank you so much for your reply!! it really means a lot to me that you replied to my post!!

I don't really feel good but it is getting better. I have help with all this. I have contacted a therapist and my friend helps me a lot!
Still I feel really really alone and lonely at times!! sometimes I don't know how to cope with all the memories and it really hurts a lot!! I really hope that I can heal from this.

the feeling of shame is really big and I also blame myself for all the things which have happened.

take care everyone

chocolate

[step_by_step]

Hey, chocolate

I am very pleased to hear that you go to a therapist. I needed very long, to go that way. I hope, you can heal- when it´s time. You go on a way, to change your life...


Know your parents about your therapist? Can you speak with your parants?


take care,

step_

[chocolate]

hey step!!

thanks for your reply!!

My parents don't know about the therapist. I can't tell them because...umm...ok, I just can't tell them. it's a long story but my dad plays a role and that's the reason why I can't tell them!! one time I tried to talk with my mother but she wasn't really interessted in what I wanted to say. Now I come along with her very good...as long as I don't talk about what has happened!!!

Nice Greetings

[step_by_step]

I can't tell them because...umm...ok, I just can't tell them. (...) but my dad plays a role and that's the reason why I can't tell them!!

One day,
when it´s your time,


you`ll get so much love,
really, good love...rich love,


you can lie down,
lie down on, in a beautiful meadow,
in a flower meadow,
and your heard will be go on...


and you feel safe,
safe, in your body,
safe, in your heard,
safe, in your soul,


I can`t write it correct.
never give up, never


s.

[chocolate]

hey!!

i was hurt again!! on saturday on a party!!

today I went to a rape crisis center and to the police. I have the appointment with the T only in some days and I needed to talk about what has happened on Saturday and all the other days!!

step by step: thank you so much for your lines!!

[step_by_step]

hey,

I`m sad. Sad to read what you`ve written. I hope, your Therapist can help you. Help you...!
I wish you so much energie, on your way to the rape crises center.
Have you someone who go with you to the police? Someone who holds your hand?


nice greetings,
step_

[chocolate]

thank you step for what you have written!!

I went there alone. I didn't want to ask somebody to go with me!!
the woman there was really nice and supporting. It was really good that I went there!!

at the moment I try not to hide at home. I am trying to go on as everything would be alright. tonight I have had a drink with some friends. it was quite nice. I don't want my friends to find out anything about what has happened to me. everytime someone asks me how I am I fastly answer that I am alright. I wish it would be true just one time that I am alright!!

sorry for venting so much here!! :(

greetings chocolate

[step_by_step]

hey chocolate!

I must confess that I went alone to the police too. Or did you write from your terapist? I also can´t do that. I was sitting in my car, and didn´t belive that i really drive to the police. It was very difficult for me. My evidence for the journal, takes four hours . There was a women, in civil an she ask a lot of quetions. She wrote all what I said on her computer. She ask me terrible quetions, and I was be afraid. When I was drived home, I was crying, crying, crying in my car. It hurts so much. I told her every details, from me, and from my child abuser. In my head I said always to me, during the evidence "please, no photo form him...please show me no photo form him. But she had one.

I can understand, that you not tell it to everyone. I told It only one friend, in my street. she was shocked, and that was it. I saw her never again.

sorry for venting so much here!!:(

That´s your place, in your thread.


greetings
step_

sorry, I wrote a lot from me. I hope, you can read it.

[Short Circuit]

Hi chocolate!

I read the whole thread and I feel really very sorry for what has happened to you. It's hard enough to being raped once but it happened to you so often, that it is really unbelievable!

How are you feeling now? There hasn't been much writing in this topic for a few months...

I hope that you can still talk with your best friend about all that! Did you tell him only from the one occasion or does he know about everything? I think it's really important to have somenone to talk to. No matter if he's male or female. Especially when you can't talk with your family about that.

The one who did it the last time was not the same that did it before? Did you report only the last incident to the police or did you report everything that happend to you?


Hugs ,

Short Circuit

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