Psychogenic pain - somatoform disorder - fibromyalgia

[Yezrel]

It's Not Goodbye - Sweet November MV

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[Yezrel]

I have an own thread about my working blockades, look here.

[Yezrel]

The song It's Not Goodbye - Sweet November MV - quoted 2 posts before this one - is according to my nephew. He is weighed down with sorrow. The best help for me in such situations are new pieces of furniture. We will buy him new ones. His old ones are very desolate. I feel that helps him now. He is my foster sun too. I love him so much and have said that. He is not alone, never.

First step by online banking is done.

[Yezrel]

My sister has called me. She doesn´t want to give her son so much this Christmas. She is so stingy. It´s her son!! I make so much for her but she thinks only of herself. Time is money. I give my time for her as a counsel. In this function I save a lot of money for her. For the moment several thousands. She thinks all the time how she cannot avoid paying money for her son. She shows me an absolute unfriendly side of her. She tries to pervert the facts. I must be careful. She is extremely wayward. And I am gutted about her behavior. I cannot await something and I cannot trust her. Her husband thinks the same about the another boy, his own son, no money for his son. Both are extremely stingy and self-involved. I must look for the children and their well-being.

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[Yezrel]

I want to be an android, no pain, no feelings.

The Model -- Kraftwerk -- Female Android

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[Yezrel]

Laura Pausini - It's Not Good-bye (Lives Miss Suomi 2003)

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[Yezrel]

The application is written. Now I must control all documents and then have to hand on.

I must complete the documents for dispatch.

I have strong pain in my left arm and hand.

[Yezrel]

I must complete the documents for dispatch.

It´s done.

I´ve written an e-mail to my therapist about my sister and the parallel childhood development with me. I will see him tomorrow.

[Yezrel]

I have to do online banking. Step by step. It´s so much ... and a fight against pains and chronic fatigue.

First step is done: first searching of the accounts.

[Yezrel]

Living with Fibromyalgia

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[Yezrel]

Laura Pausini - It's Not Goodbye (Sweet November) - with lyrics

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[Yezrel]

Laura Pausini - One More Time (lyrics)

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[Yezrel]

I find this video shows the context body and soul on symbolic way.

A timeline of Love - Pon and Zi

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[Yezrel]

Tomorrow I´ll see my psychotherapist. I had written him fifteen short e-mails over a period of seven weeks and told him my family situation. I hope he´ll find the right words for me. I have strong withdrawal tendencies. I have broken several projects in the last days. I try to find the control about my life again. If he works against my plans I cannot stay. I like him very much but some sentences of him disturb me. I want to be efficient and not leave my family. I cannot let alone my family. He must accept my decision. I want his help for having more power. I can understand his view but I CANNOT change my situation because the children need me. I love them. He hasen´t this love for these children but me yes! Probably he would do the same for his own children but he never lived my trauma. He cannot understand what I feel. I have not really a choice.

I want to change my working blockades, only that! But he wants to change my whole life. I can understand why. I know I couldn´t live my own wishes but I cannot leave alone the children, never. I must find another way. I must stay hard, not so many feelings, no suffering. I live in a prison and I can only find a way through dealings with the guards. I am proving beneficial for them and on this way I find the control about the prison but I must stay in the prison. I cannot go and leave alone the others in this prison. I have the sole responsibility for my family there.

I had several dreams about my therapist. I see positive aspects of therapy but my therapist also felt helpless. Perhaps he finds that he cannot help me.

[Yezrel]

I have strong withdrawal tendencies. On these grounds I will move back to my own internal working website with internal blog.

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