psychopathy
Posted: Jul 25 2014, 05:19
Hi there. So I ended up in psychiatrist office few years ago. And he said that I lack empathy. I didn't expect it at all - I thought I was normal and was living my life happily. He screwed me up. I think I actually became miserable, aggressive and distrustful since then.
I keep taking psychopathy tests online, and sure enough I always score high on narcissistic, psychopathic and histrionic disorders. As well as on PTSD as well.
I had few very bad situations in my life when I snapped and was very angry. I yelled at people and dreamed of killing them all. But stress eventually reduced, and I feel better now.
I had few very bad relationships, so now I really want a relationship, but I end up hating my partner or getting scared of potential partner and either withdraw or do tantrums and drive him away.
I tried therapy, but I end up hating psychologists - I feel like they treat me as anomaly, they never know what is really wrong with me, different psychologists suggest different potential diagnoses, and they just make me more miserable. I also feel like they are just draining me out of my money. And why would I pay to some Joe to make me more miserable. I think I can figure it out on my own.
But I do have interpersonal problems with relationships. When I was young, I was trusting. And now I just steer clear of any potential closeness. I did have some one night stands, but they are risky, and I always feel used at the end. So I pass now. I also think I hate men. I don't mind being friends with them, but when they hit on me, I become very aggressive. And to be honest, I don't like most women either.
I have MS in Engineering and I have stable job. After few tries I finally found supervisor, who leaves me alone and lets me do my job, and I am very successful at my job.
So. The bottom line. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it fixable? And how do I keep going to therapy, because most of the time psychologists piss me off.
I keep taking psychopathy tests online, and sure enough I always score high on narcissistic, psychopathic and histrionic disorders. As well as on PTSD as well.
I had few very bad situations in my life when I snapped and was very angry. I yelled at people and dreamed of killing them all. But stress eventually reduced, and I feel better now.
I had few very bad relationships, so now I really want a relationship, but I end up hating my partner or getting scared of potential partner and either withdraw or do tantrums and drive him away.
I tried therapy, but I end up hating psychologists - I feel like they treat me as anomaly, they never know what is really wrong with me, different psychologists suggest different potential diagnoses, and they just make me more miserable. I also feel like they are just draining me out of my money. And why would I pay to some Joe to make me more miserable. I think I can figure it out on my own.
But I do have interpersonal problems with relationships. When I was young, I was trusting. And now I just steer clear of any potential closeness. I did have some one night stands, but they are risky, and I always feel used at the end. So I pass now. I also think I hate men. I don't mind being friends with them, but when they hit on me, I become very aggressive. And to be honest, I don't like most women either.
I have MS in Engineering and I have stable job. After few tries I finally found supervisor, who leaves me alone and lets me do my job, and I am very successful at my job.
So. The bottom line. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it fixable? And how do I keep going to therapy, because most of the time psychologists piss me off.